there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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