how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
