listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
