I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
