Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
