girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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