apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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