Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
