I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
