we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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