I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
