Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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