nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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