I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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