If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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