The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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