Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
