I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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