when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
