dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
