One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
God, I missed his penis.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
