God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
