so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
