If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
