i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
