You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
