no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
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This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
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I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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