Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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