i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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