I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
