Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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