The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
It's just like the Real World with babies
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Congratulations! We have a period
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
