1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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