He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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