Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
