once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
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