no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
