does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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