can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
