Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
