those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
