My underwear smells like fireworks.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
