definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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