You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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