he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
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