i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
