remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
