I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
