Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
