I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
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