Your favorite bartender is back from prision
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
