she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
