Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
