She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
So much rum. So many feels.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
