I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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