New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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