Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
