we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Randomize
