3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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