I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
