someone threw a dead crab at me
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
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