About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
