guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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