oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
