she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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