Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
