on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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