No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
