with your own penis?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
