Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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