Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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