"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
