Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
