Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
