And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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