So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
