Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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