when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
