Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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