but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Randomize
