I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
