We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
