My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize