woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
