I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
