why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?