oh god the rape fog is back!
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
