he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out