I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block