I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.