Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Goodnight sugar queer
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
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While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
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I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling