I wish I could punch you in the face.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
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